Right Or Wrong, Sometimes There's A Reason For Double Standards
A couple of weeks ago I'd overheard a family discussion at restaurant. The teenage daughter was discussing with the parents, and her teenage brother, how unfair it was that her dating activities are very restricted while her brother's were not. Interestingly, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable...but not because of the quandry she was raising, but because the 1) the father was at a loss to adequately explain what was going on and 2) because the mother was siding with the daughter.
It was the basic gender double standard discussion - why do we treat boys different from girls in the same situation.
So, let's go to basics (from Dictionary.com):
double standard
n.
On it's face, this seems unfair. We treat one gender different from the other in a similar situation - sexual freedom. Yes, I started out discussing dating, but IMHO the dating concerns of parents are really driven by sex, and whether or not they're comfortable with their children being involved in sexual activities (followed closely by alcohol, drugs and misbehavior (as in going to jail misbehavior). Were sex not an issue, any sort of dating discussion would be easy.
The double standard is not simply owned and promulgated by parents...the media is a willing participant. Feminism (well, at least the more radical wing of) claims the double standard is patently unfair, that boys and girls should have the same sexual freedom; we encourage boys to "get some" at every opportunity, and there's no reason why girls shouldn't be "getting some" as well.
In the male world, at least when you're younger, and to some extent when you're older (and single), there is pressure to go have sex. If you don't, there's something wrong with you. If you're not actively pursueing sex, for the sake of engaging in the act of sex, there's something wrong with you.
The pressure comes from your peers, and this is the strongest pressure. The next big source is the media - look at what we're exposed to. Young men see shows with scantily clad women/girls who talk and act in a way that suggest they want to have sex...and they usually hold this out as some sort of carrot to garner some sort of action from the males. Music videos...please...if you've seen one, you know what I'm talking about. In that case, you have males with sex on demand...surrounded by alluring women vying for the attention of the males.
For males at least I alluded to what I consider the underlying reason for males to search out sex, when I said, "...garner some sort of action from males." For a guy to have sex is a sign of acceptance from women...an extremely powerful indicator of worth to a man...he's worth procreating with.
Sex is evolutionarily designed to promote procreation, passing on of one's genes. This is an extremely powerful, and I'd argue the most powerful, driver of behavior in human existence. To be accepted by a woman in sex is so powerful, many men will do just about anything to gain this acceptance - undertake dangerous quests, forsake existing relationships, pay money, put their lives on the line, do extremely stupid things...you name it. Even the suggestion by a female that a male could be accepted sexually by that female if he does this or that, can many times cause him to do that "this or that."
So...boys are encouraged to do "get some", as it's a sign of acceptance. Without that acceptance they're ridiculed by other males, and females. At a deeper level, rejection is a sign that the male is not worth passing on.
Women...well, I'm not a female, so this is one man's perspective only. I'm of the opinion that much of the motivations males have for having sex also apply to females as well...at one level, it's a sign of acceptance, and at a genetic level the need to pass on genetic material through procreation is extremely powerful.
I think so far, I've basically said "females and males are human...they have a very deep rooted need to procreate...no shit. When will you get to the double standard stuff?" Heh..OK...sorry about the rant...look at the time stamp on my posts.
Back to it to the girl's side of the double standard, and why it exists: When girls have sex, the natural result of the sex is pregnancy, no matter how you slice it. At conscious level, both participants want to feel good, feel intimate...feel accepted; they're not even thinking about children. At a deeper level, they want pass on their genetic material, as another accepting your "essence" is about as much acceptance as is possible for males, and I'm guessing that for females acceptance from the males comes in the form of their willingness to combine with the female genetic material. Heh..sorry for sounding so clinical on this..!!
The result, namely the child, needs to be taken care of. Moreover, especially for young women, the guy they're having sex with may not exactly be desirable (i.e. a loser). Parents typically understand both of these issues, and this is the basis for the Double Standard.
If a young woman gets pregnant, she will most likely be saddled with raising the child, unless the young man wants to be involved. In dating relationships, this is typically not the case, leaving the young woman high and dry.
She now must put her life on hold, as the needs of the child trump her needs. Moreover, she must now undertake to raise a child, which is even difficult if you have two parents to work on this! The results of single mother parenting are the subject of another article...suffice it to say that for the most part, single mothers come up short. There are cases where they do a decent job, and I know at least one single mom who is dedicated to her daughter, who's doing a terrific job of it, at no small expense to herself...but I know even she would agree that the process would be much easier with a male counterpart parent.
I don't agree with the double standard, but in a manner different from most. I disagree that boys should be encouraged to go "get some" at every opportunity, and given dating freedom to enable this. They can ruin a young woman's life and simply walk away. In the past, if a young man got a young woman pregnant, he would marry her and help raise the child. The relationship might not have been all peaches and cream, but the child received the benefit of two parents, and both parents understood and undertook their responsibility.
Today, that is not the case. Males will get females pregnant and leave without a second thought. Females, under the banner of sexual freedom, will go out and "get some" at every opportunity. If they get pregnant, they kill the child, keep it, or give it away...either way, they're affected for life.
It was the basic gender double standard discussion - why do we treat boys different from girls in the same situation.
So, let's go to basics (from Dictionary.com):
double standard
n.
- A set of principles permitting greater opportunity or liberty to one than to another, especially the granting of greater sexual freedom to men than to women.
On it's face, this seems unfair. We treat one gender different from the other in a similar situation - sexual freedom. Yes, I started out discussing dating, but IMHO the dating concerns of parents are really driven by sex, and whether or not they're comfortable with their children being involved in sexual activities (followed closely by alcohol, drugs and misbehavior (as in going to jail misbehavior). Were sex not an issue, any sort of dating discussion would be easy.
The double standard is not simply owned and promulgated by parents...the media is a willing participant. Feminism (well, at least the more radical wing of) claims the double standard is patently unfair, that boys and girls should have the same sexual freedom; we encourage boys to "get some" at every opportunity, and there's no reason why girls shouldn't be "getting some" as well.
In the male world, at least when you're younger, and to some extent when you're older (and single), there is pressure to go have sex. If you don't, there's something wrong with you. If you're not actively pursueing sex, for the sake of engaging in the act of sex, there's something wrong with you.
The pressure comes from your peers, and this is the strongest pressure. The next big source is the media - look at what we're exposed to. Young men see shows with scantily clad women/girls who talk and act in a way that suggest they want to have sex...and they usually hold this out as some sort of carrot to garner some sort of action from the males. Music videos...please...if you've seen one, you know what I'm talking about. In that case, you have males with sex on demand...surrounded by alluring women vying for the attention of the males.
For males at least I alluded to what I consider the underlying reason for males to search out sex, when I said, "...garner some sort of action from males." For a guy to have sex is a sign of acceptance from women...an extremely powerful indicator of worth to a man...he's worth procreating with.
Sex is evolutionarily designed to promote procreation, passing on of one's genes. This is an extremely powerful, and I'd argue the most powerful, driver of behavior in human existence. To be accepted by a woman in sex is so powerful, many men will do just about anything to gain this acceptance - undertake dangerous quests, forsake existing relationships, pay money, put their lives on the line, do extremely stupid things...you name it. Even the suggestion by a female that a male could be accepted sexually by that female if he does this or that, can many times cause him to do that "this or that."
So...boys are encouraged to do "get some", as it's a sign of acceptance. Without that acceptance they're ridiculed by other males, and females. At a deeper level, rejection is a sign that the male is not worth passing on.
Women...well, I'm not a female, so this is one man's perspective only. I'm of the opinion that much of the motivations males have for having sex also apply to females as well...at one level, it's a sign of acceptance, and at a genetic level the need to pass on genetic material through procreation is extremely powerful.
I think so far, I've basically said "females and males are human...they have a very deep rooted need to procreate...no shit. When will you get to the double standard stuff?" Heh..OK...sorry about the rant...look at the time stamp on my posts.
Back to it to the girl's side of the double standard, and why it exists: When girls have sex, the natural result of the sex is pregnancy, no matter how you slice it. At conscious level, both participants want to feel good, feel intimate...feel accepted; they're not even thinking about children. At a deeper level, they want pass on their genetic material, as another accepting your "essence" is about as much acceptance as is possible for males, and I'm guessing that for females acceptance from the males comes in the form of their willingness to combine with the female genetic material. Heh..sorry for sounding so clinical on this..!!
The result, namely the child, needs to be taken care of. Moreover, especially for young women, the guy they're having sex with may not exactly be desirable (i.e. a loser). Parents typically understand both of these issues, and this is the basis for the Double Standard.
If a young woman gets pregnant, she will most likely be saddled with raising the child, unless the young man wants to be involved. In dating relationships, this is typically not the case, leaving the young woman high and dry.
She now must put her life on hold, as the needs of the child trump her needs. Moreover, she must now undertake to raise a child, which is even difficult if you have two parents to work on this! The results of single mother parenting are the subject of another article...suffice it to say that for the most part, single mothers come up short. There are cases where they do a decent job, and I know at least one single mom who is dedicated to her daughter, who's doing a terrific job of it, at no small expense to herself...but I know even she would agree that the process would be much easier with a male counterpart parent.
I don't agree with the double standard, but in a manner different from most. I disagree that boys should be encouraged to go "get some" at every opportunity, and given dating freedom to enable this. They can ruin a young woman's life and simply walk away. In the past, if a young man got a young woman pregnant, he would marry her and help raise the child. The relationship might not have been all peaches and cream, but the child received the benefit of two parents, and both parents understood and undertook their responsibility.
Today, that is not the case. Males will get females pregnant and leave without a second thought. Females, under the banner of sexual freedom, will go out and "get some" at every opportunity. If they get pregnant, they kill the child, keep it, or give it away...either way, they're affected for life.
posted by cookies at 6:06 AM
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